Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Game Over

Devil, Ishbane, Screwtape, Whoever You Are,

I don't officially know what your specific purpose is. I have the general idea: you want to pull me from God, or to forget about Him, or be mad at Him or break morality and hurt His feelings, something like that. But I feel like you are watching me, smiling, rubbing your hands together in excitement for some scheme you have planned and that has me a slightly worried and curious. I feel like if I figure out your plan then I can thwart it.

It is something, isn't it? Your plan I mean. You have something. This disease you planned. Not God. He is using it for His purposes too you know. I give in to the Principalities of Darkness sometimes, or often, depending, I admit that. I admit your Imps of the Perverse I have noticed have a huge effect on me. The "mobile without motive" as Poe would say, the thoughts turning to a desire, the desire to a wish, the wish to a longing, and the longing to an impulse. I impulsively do stupid stuff. But you know what I have noticed changes that, reason. If I just take 5 minutes to think about an action first I can outthink you. It is when I don't think that you win. Thus drugs and drunk driving and peer pressure are some of your easiest tricks. No thinking or reason is involved.

Reason. I guess I just got to think this out more. But you have been winning lately, haven't you. I am tired and weak and exhausted. Think more Zoe. Think things out. God. God. God. Think God. Jesus. Christ. All those words in a letter to you. I don't see you smiling any more. Lord. Savior. Not so happy are we. Think more Zoe. God help me think more. Reason more.

So you have a plan, plans to use this disease and many other things against me. Guess what, I know that. Most don't. I am aware of you. I know you are here just as surely as He is here. I know your basic plan. And God and I are going to thwart it. Your thrawl with some day be useless on me. And maybe with this letter to you someone else will beging to beat you, oh so very weak Princes. You do realize it is prince right. God is King. You always play second fiddle to Him. He sees all of Time at once. What do you see, today and yesterday. Guess what. So do I. So how are you better than me if He lives in me? You are not. You are nothing, and I am going to prove to you that is true. Keep trying. I dare you. God and I will still be good. And I get closer to Him every year. You may win today, or one moment here and there, but I will spend Eternity with Him. And then where will you be? How can you hurt me if you can't hurt my soul? You can't.

So good luck, cuz it doesn't matter. He already won. Game over Imp.

Love, Zoe

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