Searching For God Knows What: Green Lights, Sexy Carrots, and A Dragon

"Gatsby believed in the green light, the orgastic future that year by year recedes before us. It elluded us then, but that's no matter--tomorrow we will run faster, stretch out our arms farther....And one fine morning----
So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past."

"There once was a Rabbit named Don Rabbit. Don Rabbit went to Stumptown Coffee every morning. One morning at Stumptown, Don Rabbit saw Sexy Carrot. And Don Rabbit decided to chase Sexy Carrot. But Sexy Carrot was very fast. And Don Rabbit chased Sexy Carrot all over Oregon. And all over America, all the way to New York City. And Don Rabbit chased Sexy Carrot all the way to the Moon. And Don Rabbit was very, very tired. But with one last burst of strength, Don Rabbit lunged at Sexy Carrot. And Don Rabbit caught Sexy Carrot. And the moral of the story is that if you work hard, stay focused, and never give up, you will eventually get what you want in life. Unfortunately shortly after this story was told, Don Rabbit choked on the carrot and died. So the second moral of the story is: Sometimes the things we want most in life are the things that will kill us."

I know we are borne back ceaselessly into our pasts, and we are swimming against the current. But which part of my past am I swimming against? Which part will I flow with? Which way is East? Which way is West? I don't want to choke and die. I am standing on this dock, or the moon, looking for the key to unlock, my past for my future's sake. I don't want to be a fake. I just want to be me. I just want to see, where to go next. How do I avoid the sexy carrots and green lights?

"It's more like I was swimming in a river and there were two equal currents...People assume when you're swimming in a river you are supposed to know which way you are going, and I guess some of the time that is true, but there are certain currents we need somebody to come along, pull us out, and guide us in a safer direction."

God, Christ,
Please come throw me a rope, and pull me in a safer direction. Rescue me from the lifeboat, get me fired from the circus, and keep me safe, happy, and content in the margins of Your story. The only thing to chase is You.

Quotes from and allusions to The Great Gatsby by Fitzgerald, and Blue Like Jazz, Searching For God Knows What, and To Own A Dragon by Donald, will you marry me, Miller.