Monday, December 24, 2007

I Asked (Merry Christmas!)

It is Christmas, the time to hope for stuff, to ask for stuff, to give someone else something in anticipation that they give you something. We make lists for others and we make lists for ourselves. The one time we can really have a list of stuff we want and not just stuff we need. We hope, pray and ask for things. So that got me to thinking...There are a lot of things I ask God for on a regular basis, or have asked Him for, been asking Him for, for a long time.

I ask for happiness regularly. You know what He has given me? Joy.

I asked for a career, the career of my dreams. You know what He gave me? A purpose, the job of His dreams for me.

I asked to not feel so lonely, and He taught me how to spend more time with Him and never really feel lonely.

I asked for a man, a boy, someone to be in love with. He gave me Christ.

I asked for knowledge, and He has given me wisdom. I have to work for it by reading and trillions of hours alone with Him lost in thought, but I have a bit of it now.
And there are other things...

I asked to be more like Christ, and now I suffer physically on a regular basis.

I asked to know Him more and so now I have time to do that.

I asked to finish in last place, before I knew what that really meant, and now look at my life: no job, no education, no health, no social life, no money, no much of anything. That is last place in the world's eyes for sure.

I asked to appreciate life more, and now the sunrises and sunsets and moon and sleeping puppies and clouds are more beautiful and precious than they ever were before.

I asked for a Christian community and He gave me my parents. And He helped me realize I had a great Christian community I took for granted for so long.

I wanted to not hate my hometown as much, and those drives I go on have made me love part of this area.

I asked to walk by faith, and now am finding myself make so many decisions only on faith. Decisions most would consider rash and impractical or unthought out, but decisions that are lead by the Holy Spirit directing the wings of the butterflies in my stomach. And they always work out, for what feels like I am exactly where I am supposed to be doing what I am supposed to be doing right when I am supposed to.

I know most look at my life and think sad thoughts for me in their hearts and minds. I appreciate that. And to be honest, that is what I want. You need to respect this disease and never take it lightly. Too many lives I have known to be completely destroyed by this disease. But me, my story. It is full of pain and fatigue and zero sleep and a body that feels like lead and fears of waking up in a hospital unable to lift my arms to wipe the tears from my eyes, when I consequentially want to die...But! But I am ok. All those things above, you wish you have been given from God. Trust me. You wish. Because life is full of beauty just as much, or more if you pay attention than deformity.

I have since being diagnosed, as many friends and family members have as well because they love me, asked God to heal me. I am 99.9% sure we have been asking for a physical miracle. Like Paul being healed of his blindness. I am thinking though, the best part of Paul being healed so he could see again, wasn't that he could see, but that he could see with Christian eyes that were birthed from a change of heart. He told people that it was because of an illness that he was preaching to them. The spiritual miracle that he experienced came with the physical miracle. And if Paul, or I were given a choice, we would always opt for the spiritual miracle. And that my friends, when we asked God to heal me, is what He did, He healed me spiritually. It has been a battle. The Devil went to God and said, "I bet if we take everything away from Katie she won't be all that everyone thinks she is. She will crumble and fall away from You." And God said, "Do what you want, just don't kill her."

God knew I would come back from the Devil's schemes, God's tests, and prove that I trust Him. It took a year or so to get on the right path, to circle the right letter on the test, and then I had more questions, and short answers and a couple essays along the way, and the test is far from over, but I think I am doing well. I have filled in the circle that says "spiritual" under the physical or spiritual miracle question. And that has saved my life, this one and the next.

We asked for a miracle guys, and He performed it. It just sucks that so many of you are still in your blind phase like Paul and I used to be. I hope someday you ask to see and then God heals the eyes of your heart.

If you ask, you will receive. Just remember it may not be in the way you thought. It will probably be better! And remember, it is because of an illness that I am preaching to you!

Merry Christmas, may He give you all you ask for, in His way!

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