You know, there was a day we sat outside the weight room during P.E., just talking, instead of jumping rope (yeah it was P.E. old school style, and we were "hardcore" rebelling), about a party and how I wouldn't go and how I wore a WWJD bracelet and tried not to cuss or be mean to people--I mean here I am a Christian-nerdy-jock (not always in that order) sitting with literally the punk-rocker-seemingly-slacker-types, hanging out and talking about them drinking and smoking and having sex and whatever and I obviously didn't have that much to contribute to the conversation and they picked that up quickly--and so of course I am called, labeled, whatever, the goody-two-shoes (and why wouldn't I have two shoes, and two that are bad, that sounds uncomfortable, especially for P.E.) Christian type. But they used specific diction when telling me how Christian I was. I was "Hardcore Christian."
I took this as a compliment, sort of, and they were nice people, made fun of me a lot (but that seems to be a normal friend high school thing), but nice and for the most part respected me probably because I respected them.
SIDENOTE: I want to admit, to show something about fitting in, that I also felt like a bit of a loser because I didn't do what they did. There was a small part of me, I fully admit, that wondered about all this fun I could have if I wasn't "Hardcore Christian," and for that matter I wondered if I was only a little bit Christian if that meant I could go to the party and not hurt Jesus' feelings as much, somehow. I wondered and still wonder if there really are levels of Christianity, of faith for that matter.
I think in this world there are, now, after the Fall. I mean we have created levels for some reason. Our relationship with God was severed and we are apart from Him now. Donald Miller in To Own A Dragon talks about God being a type of "bubble boy" who can't come into full contact with us because of our sin germs. So I begin to think that levels of Christianity or faith are a matter of how close or far in "distance" you are from your god. Like levels of friendship.
There are friendship seminars about 1-4 levels of frienship. Level 1 being a nod and a hi when you see them here and there. 2 being a quick catch-up conversation when you see one another, maybe getting coffee here and there. Level 3 means you can eat together and have deeper conversations on a more regular basis, and 4 is like you are bestest best friends, spending a ton of time together and knowing everything about one another and being able to have seriously deep conversations.
I wonder if that is what it is like with God, especially because now I am a firm believer in a relationship with God, with Christ being the foundation of my faith. So, there kinda are levels of Christianity, if you look at it from a relationship standpoint with the four levels of relationships. But I don't think that this is the way God wanted or wants things to be, and they shouldn't be this way. We all should be at a 4 with God; we should be "Hardcore Christian," and then if we all were, then there wouldn't be kinds of Christian or levels of faith, it would just be Christian.
You shouldn't be allowed to be Christian during the week, but not while partying on the weekends. You shouldn't be Christian except during five o'clock traffic, etc. You should be Christian all the time. There shouldn't be exceptions to the rule; soon you may be not Christian more than the amount of time you are Christian, and that isn't the way, you can honestly tell me, the way God and Christ intended it to be. Can you imagine if Christ wasn't completely Christian, or holy and glorious and perfect to pertain more to Him, and come time to suffer and die on a cross for our sins, to save the world, He decided He wasn't going to do that part, He was gonna be around a 1 or a 2 on the frienship scale, but only during that one instance, right, so it was ok because the rest of the time He felt a 3 or a 4 with us, in His love for us. Thank God! Christ doesn't approach Christianity with its levels we have established, created. Thank God He was always a 4, if you are going to go with our limiting frienship metaphor, though it shouldn't be confined to anything, a level, a number, His love; how He approaches His relationships with us is limitless. We are the ones you have limited how we approach Him.
It is interesting to me that it was non-Christians who noticed our levels of faith. Any of us who have faith wouldn't admit that we have lessened it or changed faith. But they called it how they saw it, how I believe it really is, especially if I am talking from personal experience.
I think I got so used to hearing I was a "good kid" who was mature and did the right things and didn't really mess up in the world's eyes. I got used to people telling me I was Christian because I had bible verses memorized and understood some with my heart's mind, but most with just my head's mind though, to look back and tell you the truth. Because I wore a WWJD bracelet, because I was active in church for a while there, or I listened to Christian music, or didn't cuss or party or whatever, I was "Hardcore Christian."
SIDENOTE: Many psychologist and therapists (for the disease stuff affecting me, pain management stuff) have revealed, correctly, to me, that I didn't really party or smoke or drink or whatever not because of Christian morality (which we don't really understand, ask Donald Miller) but because I was a great student and athlete who understood how much I had to lose. It was way more an athlete thing than a Christian thing. And they are right. Yeah I had the bracelet on and that was the bit of information that made the cup (my brain) overflow with logic, but most of the cup was filled with stuff I could lose, like school and sports. Who knew I never really understood morality, which is supposed to be about a relationship with God and Christ, not a list of do's and do not's.
But just because I did what I was supposed to or listened to what I was supposed to or wore what I was supposed to that doesn't mean that is who I was. I can tell you all about my best friend. What her name is. What her favorite color is. The things she likes and dislikes such as the music she listens to, the style of clothes she wears and likes and dislikes and whatever, but what if I don't know her? Her being. Who she is, what her soul reveals about her. And what if, what if you found out she isn't real? What if this is just a bit of information I can spit out but I really don't have her as a best friend? I can think I am her best friend and she is mine, but there is a huge difference between me saying these things and actually living them out, actually spending time with her and listening to her, talking to her, laughing with her, crying with her; there is a ginormous difference between saying I am her best friend and she is mine and actually being best friends.
The same goes for God. For Christ. I had some of the facts and was doing some of the right things, obviously not really for the right reasons all of the time, and it looked good to other people, and they were telling me I was good, but I look back, knowing what I know now, knowing the relationship I have with God now, with Christ now, I wasn't so good people. I wasn't very "Hardcore Christian."
We are beings who need told who we are.
And I heard it from them so often that I believed it:
Who told you that you were naked?" (Genesis 3:11). Who told you that you were good and the Christian I would like you to be? Who told you that you know me?
That was the Devil slithering up and whispering lies into my ear. Thank God, He came up and has been shouting about who I really was, so I am not her anymore. So I am His friend and He is mine instead of just talking about it. I mean, these people can't know all that God knows about my relationship with Him, you know? God and I know my relationship with Him, same for me and Christ.
I thought I was "Hardcore Christian" because they, the world, told me I was. God has been telling me the truth these last few years. Just because someone says you are something, that doesn't mean you are. Only you know who you are. And if you have faith, if you are Christian, only Christ knows if you really are in love with Him. And how do you find out? Talk to Him about it; engage a relationship with Him. Be His friend, and give Him time to be yours.
There is a song I want to share with you that feels like the story of my life when it comes to my faith, to me being Christian. It is by The Rocket Summer:
"Never Knew"
I just ran into a few someone's today
Someone's that I never really knew
And I used to think how I had them all so figured out
But no, none of it's true 'cause I never knew you
and now the truth of it is, is I wanna be like you
So hello, good friend, I wanna be next to you
For my head, for my heart, for what's true
So I'm burning the thoughts of the things that I once said
Because you tore down the walls that the world that has put inside my head
And I just get sick of the things that we think, we think we know
And no, none of it's true 'cause I never knew you
and now the truth of it is, is I wanna be like you
So hello, good friend, I wanna be next to you
For my head, for my heart, for what's true
So take me and save me and change me and then make me
And embrace me and then brave my heart for you
No, no, 'cause I can't go on without you
And it's time for something never knowing, oh
And no, none of it's true 'cause I never knew you
and now the truth of it is, is I wanna be like you
So hello, good friend, I wanna be next to you
For my head, for my heart, for what's true
And as they strolled along
My heart broke out in song
From all the things and the thoughts and assumptions that I had wrong
See now I'll be on my way to make this claim
I'll make it famous in every way
I'll make it stay when I will save it...
No, none of it's true 'cause I never knew you
and now the truth of it is, is I wanna be like you
So hello, good friend, I wanna be next to you
For my head, for my heart, for what's true
If you are going to limit or put levels or numbers to your faith, make sure it is up there with Hardcore and with 4, but try to just simply and complexly be Christian, as He intended it to be. Imagine if we all were Chrsistian all the time.
Listen to A.W. Tozer people,
"We also try to measure abstract qualities, and speak of great or little faith, high or low intelligence, large or meager talents.
Is it not plain that all this does not and cannot apply to God?"
-The Knowledge of the Holy
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